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Before I had any children at all, I started & ran my own daycare. I followed in my Grandmothers footsteps when I did so. In essence, I just imitated what I'd watched her do for years. When our first child (Abbey) came along it was like the stork brought her because she was adopted. She was four weeks old & already sleeping through the night. Now that I think back on it, she was more like an extention of my daycare or a doll baby. What I mean is that I had full confidence in my mothering of her. Three years later, I came up pregnant & we were all delighted. I laughed like the biblical Sarah for 8 months. It wasn't until after I had him that the fear set in. I put on an exteremely convincing *front. Even my husband (Brian) didn't know I was scared to death. You see, I hadn't done this before. He was brand new & I was nursing & I'm a person who, by nature is high strung & I'd had a C-section & on & on. Because I had a C-section he was early by just a couple of weeks. His doctor informed us that the last thing on a baby to grow are its ears, so he had paper thin little ears that flopped forward. His pediatrician told us to keep a hat pulled down over the tops of his ears to hold them in place. I tried to keep that hat pulled down but all the hats were too big for his head and kept sliding up & pushing one of his ears forward. A month or so went by & the cartiledge in his ears got stronger but the top of that one ear had a permanent, pinky finger sized dimple in it and still does to this day. I had already failed him & he was only a month old. To the Mothers & women who want to be Mothers, I told you this story to tell you that you are not a hybrid of Claire Huxtable & Bree Van de Kamp. Those women aren't real. You are not perfect & you will fail your child or children at some point. But be not discouraged. You are not a failure & you are not alone.

Wednesday, December 16, 2009

I'M TRYING TO TELL U ABOUT THE BABY JESUS!!!!!

Its Christmas time again & I love celebrating Christmas as a parent.  Brian & I get to make memories with our kids.  We also get to make family traditions of our own, that hopefully, our kids will want to share with their kids. Abbey is all about church, she's always loved to go.  Bother likes church as well, but doesn't have a good grasp on the whole reason yet.  Last Christmas, I found a nice, simple, book that tells the story of  the first Christmas. I was happy, & couldn't wait to get all 3 of the kids together on our bed & read it to them. Yes, Dash was only 4 months but he got to take part too. Back to the story interupters.  Anyway, as many of you may already know Brother is... prickly.  He's very much like me, I know, thats what I get, stifle yourself & let me tell my story. They all got on the bed that night, there was a little bit of protest from Brother, I don't remember why, but there was. He started out listening to the story & looking at the pictures but then, something happened & he wanted to get down, I said no, you can get down when we're done with the story. I was trying to have a sweet, tender, Motherly moment with the children, where I talked softly with them & to them.  Anyone that knows me, knows I RAREly do sweet & tender, its just not in my makeup. So Brother goes to get out of the bed, for whatever he wants & I say no wait till I'm done. Then his voice gets all high & whiney & he says but I want do whatever it was that he wanted to do. This happens twice more & finally I'm sick of it. I lose the sweet voice, grab him at the shoulder & sit him down while I yell "SIT DOWN, I'M TRYING TO TELL YOU ABOUT THE BABY JESUS"!!!!  Just then, Brian walks by the bedroom door, cocks his head to the side, smiles and says "That's beautiful", in the dry & sarcastic way only he can. I resume the story telling, once again in my sweet voice, with Brother's back turned toward me. He still wants to hear the story & see the pictures, but he doesn't want to give me the satisfaction of winning, so he cranes his neck around as far as it will go. As I hold the book up to Abbey so she can see the pictures, I do the same thing with him & he snaps his head back around & says humph. That was not the picture ferfect moment I wanted it to be, but it was a memory I'll always cherish.     
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